Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
