Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Never joke about your clitoris.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
