You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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