My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
