wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
