Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
