i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
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u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
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Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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