Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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