she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
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