i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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