I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
its liver damage thursday
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
