found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
