we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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