I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
