I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
