Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
