Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
