bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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