I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
