allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Someone shattered a urinal.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
