in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
