PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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