Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
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