I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
...so i touched it.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Randomize
