i think i recognize dicks better than faces
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I made him laugh his dick is mine
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
