I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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