Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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