I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
