i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
How's work?
Spinning.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
