her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
