If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
