this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
