i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
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I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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