i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
