I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
