Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
