Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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