I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
