so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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