physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I'm always down for nudity.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
