she is the kim kardashian of front butts
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
