I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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