you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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