I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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