I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Randomize
