He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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