question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
