I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
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Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
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I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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