six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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