11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
