You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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