I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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