they need to just BURY HIM!
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
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The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
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She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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