took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
