u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
