apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
