hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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