i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
