You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
