when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
