My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
