u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
