ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
