im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
