eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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