How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
