$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
