We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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