And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
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