im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
