I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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