Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
