He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
