I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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