You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
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I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
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Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
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