I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
